The Boy/King at the Battle of Dickland

Nhoj Morley

This PRCA emerged from the Beefcake Madness sessions as an over-sized tale of a thoughtless buffoon who changes the world. I never expected to see one on TV. This PRCA is entirely instrumental and was mostly played on a keyboard with the power trio (guitar, bass and drums) in a supporting role. Except for the Bonus track, which features short

This PRCA emerged from the Beefcake Madness sessions as an over-sized tale of a thoughtless buffoon who changes the world. I never expected to see one on TV. This PRCA is entirely instrumental and was mostly played on a keyboard with the power trio (guitar, bass and drums) in a supporting role. Except for the Bonus track, which features short moments of super-compressed power trio bombast, which was once part of Beefcake's Epilogue track.

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The four movements are intended to accompany and tell a story. Each segment has a title and a brief synopsis. While the music is entirely instrumental, the story is intended to be told in humorous verse matched to the melodies. This will take longer than I figured and is still underway. 

1st Movement 


The Dickville Waltz 

Life in Dickville is mostly gardening and making roof thatch. It is dull and tedious and no one knows that better the lad born with curly golden hair. It looked like a shaggy crown and everyone called him the Boy-King. 


Welcome to the puppet show 

here we dangle to and fro 

painted eyes painted world 

strings are pulled fists are hurled 

spin a verse we'll rehearse 

that's all we know 


Let us pray 

the verse is an old cliché 


We are just the dangling parts 

we take the course the body charts 

if we take things one by one 

then we'll know what must be done 


The Wankie Work Song 

The Dickville lads start each day with a song to remind them of what must be done. 


Trouble at the Mill 

It is the Boy-King's turn to manage the mill. He is determined that it will be the greatest production day ever. The effort is a success but the mill is destroyed. 


Bop Bop Shaboom 

The working lads stuff the meeting hall to decide what to do next. The Boy-King offers up a cryptic plan that promises to bring prosperity and greatness to Dickville. No one understands it but they are sure that the way ahead should be beyond their understanding. 


2nd Movement


The Dickville Bland 

Everyone is fired up, angry and shouting at each other as they continue to garden and make roof thatch. But quickly, the routine of Dickville lulls all back into a pastoral trance. The Boy-King is frustrated. A military parade is approaching. 



I say your side is to blame 

Our side truly feels the same 


Do you know I hate you hate you but first 

I will castigate you cass-ti-gate you 

Then I'll will berate you hate you break you 

snuff you stuff you 


You're a fucking lib-tard lib-tard lib-tard 

And you're a fascist wing-nut wing-nut wing-nut 

A social justice loonie loonie loonie 

nut-job nut-job nut-job 


Do you hear the dipshits rise up rise up 

make the troublemakers shut up shut up 

Get the malefactors round-up put down 

punch face punch face head butt head butt 



Walk of the Dead 

Returning from battle, the army is passing through the village. The Boy-King is dazzled by the procession of decorated uniforms and shiny weapons. 


Ghosts of Honor   

At the end of the procession, carts of the dead and dying leave a trail of blood. The Boy-King sees ghosts floating over the carts. They laugh at him and mock his ambition. They say, "No one has died for you, little boy-king!"  


Farewell to Dickville 

The Boy-King decides to leave Dickville and join the army. He is given a rickety old horse and is sent on way with a fond farewell. 


The King's Dream   

As he rides, the slow rhythmic clopping puts the Boy-King to sleep. He has a dream where he is in charge and leading an army into battle. 


Travel Prayer 

At a crossroads, the dreaming Boy-King is awaken by a group of travelers. They invite him to travel along with them until they reach the army camp. They share their ambitions and prayers along way. He listens intently and determines that he will answer them all. He knows he is the only one who can. The travelers leave the Boy-King at the entrance to the army's camp, except for a friar, who offers to help with his introduction. 


3rd Movement 


Dancing on Fire 

The Boy-King finds a rough crowd at the army camp and introduces himself with some carefully crafted song and dance assisted by the friar, who endorses his enlistment to a top rank. This is met with some derision and demands that this newbie assume latrine duty like every other dick. Not to be daunted, the BK starts his song again while the soldiers poke at him with torches and spears. He is warned again to take his place with no effect. The BK is dancing over the torches thrown under him. The soldiers are backing the BK into the camp's big bonfire. Due to an earlier twist in the plot, the BK is momentarily inflammable. There is a glorious whoosh of fire but the BK steps out unharmed. All the flames took was the Shirley Temple-like golden curls of his hair leaving a clean crew-cut of bright crimson. Amazed by the sight, the soldiers fall in step around him as the BK teaches them how to march on fire to a new song with his themes. 


The Creeping Dicks 

As night falls, the Boy-King and the soldiers enjoy their revelry until dropping in exhaustion. No one is on watch and no one notices the sound of an approaching attack. A rival regiment of lads from Dickburg is creeping up on the camp. They whisper about what makes for a good thrashing. 


Breakfast of Champions 

When morning comes, the camp wakes to a long line of enemy soldiers shouting "Come and get it!". They pound their shields with their swords. The King's Champion is sent to face them and the Boy-King is told to be his second. The Champion stands out in front and taunts the invaders shouting, "Do you want a piece of this?" The taunting gets louder and ruder but nothing happens. The Boy-King recalls the laughing ghosts. He pulls his sword and stabs the Champion in the back. Both sides are aghast. Using his sword, he begins to fling parts of the Champion at the rival line shouting, "Do you want a piece of this?" Faces wrinkle as the invaders are thoroughly grossed out and confused. Inspired by the Boy-King's tactical improvisation, the army starts to charge at the enemy hurling their own body parts at them. The invaders retreat in horror and disgust. 


4th Movement 


Manfare for the Common Clan 

The Boy-King is ordered to lead the counter-attack. He is told to use the Triple-Blow to make sure each enemy soldier is truly dead. But first, he must lead a squad deep into the enemy camp to soften them before the big fight. 


Tickle the Horses 

The Boy-King and his men sneak through the shrubbery to the enemy corral to steal the horses but he has an inspiration for a different plan.  


Panic Attack 

With both sides fleeing for their lives from the surrounding forest fires, the only path of escape is straight at each other where a fierce battle ensues. 


The Single Thrust  

The Boy-King is successful in penetrating the enemy all the way to the Command Tent filled with trembling enemy generals. It is now safe for the King to come and personally deliver the death-blows that make the whole battle his personal Triumph. Once achieved, the Boy-King stabs him from behind. He steps out of the tent and declares himself King Boy-King. 


The King's Dead 

The vast numbers of dead are piled into a huge bonfire. The Boy-King stands next to it and warms his hands. It feels like love. He sees the ghosts but they are not laughing. The new King begins to laugh and sings of his affection for those who die for him. 


Bonus track: 

Breakfast in Dickland