Beefcake Madness (2016)

Beefcake Madness

Nhoj Morley

This PRCA was first described to the lads in a pizza parlor booth as a satire of manliness in four side-sized movements each containing one normal song. The rest would be free-form prog instrumentals that were often interrupted by comedy skits. It is sort of like that. The record was to be pinkish and appear to be wrapped in butcher's paper with a bit of pink liquid trapped in the shrink wrap.

Read more… close

Lyrics… 


Dance of the Playful Wankie Boys: Allegro 

I don't give a f*ck, 
f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck 
I just wanna f*ck 
f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck 

f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck 
f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck 

f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck 
f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck 

f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck 
f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck 

f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck 
f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck 

Come dance with the playful wankie boys 
They're settin' the house on fire 
Watch them breaking all the toys 
Very impressive these wankie boys 

Dick 
I said dick 
Did you hear me? It is my testimony 
I said dick 

Come dance with the playful wankie boys 
They're burnin' down the house 
Underneath their smoky sky 
The wankie boys say it's do or die 

F*ck wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna f*ck 
wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna f*ck 
wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna  f*ck wanna 
wanna wanna f*ck wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna 
wanna wanna f*ck wanna wanna wanna f*ck 
wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna f*ck wanna wanna wanna 
wanna wanna f*ck wanna wanna f*ck wanna f*ck 
wanna wanna f*ck wanna wanna f*ck wanna f*ck 

f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck 
f*ck f*ck 
and… f*ck! 


Beefcake Madness  

I'm a beefcake fantasy 
in a world that only a boy can see  
We know who knows who can save its day 
The wankie boys will show the way 

Yee-Hah… 
We are the fearsome supermen (or, sperm 'n eu) 
and nothing can brake our stride 

Come and join our cheesecake revelry 
Find a place in the big machinery 
Come and reap the harvest of our shared belief  
in the ever-righteous everlasting madness of beef 

I am so beefy and roasted with fire 
that licks and tickles and makes me laugh 
Got a head full of steam and blood full of wood 
it's so sensational I gotta laugh 
It burns and tickles and freezes and hurts 
so don't make me laugh 
I said stop laughing 

We are the fearless supermen 
and no dame can make us cry 
Yee-Hah!! 

Madness is Sensational Sensational 
Telling us what to do Sperm 'n eu 
Quiet those big-mouthed shirty dames then who can say 
Who look right past our view 

Buddy we can help you bag a chick 
Cuz here there's a place for every dick 
come join with us in our shared belief 
in the ever-righteous everlasting madness of beef 

Of course we are the supermen Sperm 'n eu 
above and beyond the rest Nancy boys 
don't put da rules to the test don't f*ck with us 
cuz we have to live together 

Are you a nancy boy? 
No, I am the bestest boy 
Are you a girly-man? 
No, I am the bestest boy 
Is that a clanging sound? 
Yes, as they swing and sway 
Does mommy hold them to the ground?  
No, I'm gonna do what the big boys say 
Some says those balls will have to die 
No, I think my balls can touch the sky 

The madness we will never face 
The mythos we will hold in place 
Mysteries we will never know 
Where the blood will never go 

It burns and tickles and freezes and hurts. 
but we have to live together 

You twist and squeeze til I say ouch 
Not a good way to rub my pouch 
Don't touch my balls and think I'll cry 
I think my balls can touch the sky 

It's Sensational! 
Sen-sen-sational! 
I am the leg-man… 
I am the ass-man… 
And I think like a walrus 
Coo-coo for cleavage 

(skit) 

The madness we will never face 
The mythos we will hold in place 
Mysteries we will never know 
Where the blood will never go 
So the dames must never be 
more than what my eyes can see 

Boobs? 
Did you say boobs? 
Boobs! 
You said boobs. 
Boobs! 
Count me in, lads  
Where's my Zamboni girl? 

So who's a prissy femmy wimpy girly little nancy boy? 
and who's a wimpy prissy femmy faggy little girly-man? 
Who's a prissy femmy wimpy girly little nancy boy? 
Who's a wimpy prissy femmy faggy little girly-man? 
prissy femmy wimpy girly prissy femmy faggy-boy 
foamy prickly ghoulish wipey foggy gnarly minivan    
You may praise my trophy wife 

Those dames will explore the hidden frontier 
Out of the woods where they can see clear 
Nipping the shaft 
exposing the trick  
and The Prickly Science of The Dick 


The Legend of the Kandahar Prince 

The Khandahar Prince was just a boy 
when the wild men rose up to destroy 
He saved his face with everyone   
He saved his farce from oblivion 
All is owed to this wankie boy 

He was the bestest boy there ever will be 
The bestest boy Our little wankie man 
is the bestest boy of all 
Forever and forever 

Other little boys are only up to par  
But in everyone of ours is born a little Prince of Khandahar 
We must not tame the little prince in case the wild men rise again 
no need to train him to behave just ask him if he can 

did mommy come to heel quickly when you wailed? 
when your little bottom stung and your little patience failed 
Was she the angel of Heaven who was larger than your life? 
were you the little prince of khandahar who played for her his pipe?  

Soon our prince must marry a selected bag o' bride 
that hides a prize so tempting she could take him for ride 
Mommy wouldn't taunt you or grant you pity love 
or laugh behind your back like she is thinking of 

did your prize come to heel quickly when you wailed? 
until her little bottom stung when your little patience failed 
was she the devil from beyond who could end your afterlife? 
the prince of khandahar would insist she must be nothing but your wife 

What a silly man what a f*ck for brains 
I should thank my luck so far 
To think I could ever be a match 
for the Prince of Khandahar 

Why this lament? 
why cast this hero and his 
tales that tell and toll from 
the bottom of your memory 
as a downer of a ditty 
with a sad little tune? 
Why does the story of your life 
deserve to be this lament? 
Because it is so lamentable 


The Calendar Princess 

Pounding like thunder from behind the locker door 
She is up against the wall while sprawled across the floor 
She hangs like dangling fruit and is always on my mind 
It's a full frontal attack or I'm taken from behind   
She changes her form in an endless lunar cycle 
A full moon shines when the devil's hands are idle 

All the days of June haunt clear through September 
Some months will always always be remembered 
No, she's a tack-hanging predator and no one's toy 
only posing as docile and coy… but no 

Remember what you've been shown 
She'll wait til you're alone 
then she'll turn your blood to bone! 

She's got us lads surrounded popping out from every wall 
She is draped across the hood and sneaking in the stall 
Some keep her at their peril and face a holy dread 
If she were found in the closet or hidden under the bed   
I like to keep her whereabouts always in plain sight 
If I have to hold a vigil all throughout the night 

Images of April linger all the way through May 
maybe take on the whole year in a single day 
I shall have my way and she shall have my will 
Is it so she can chalk up one more kill? Cuz I'm beat… 

She's the huntress of the wankie lads 
stalking all the bachelor pads 
Or anyone whose got the nads! 

You can walk away 
turn your back and say 
She is safely tucked away 
but she's loose and you're the prey 

Huntress of the wankie lads 
Stalking all the bachelor pads 
She will wait til you're alone 
She will turn your blood to bone 

blood to bone! blood to bone! 
Good to wood! Good to wood! 

You might think you're the prize 
underneath your cozy sheet 
In those unblinking eyes 
you're just a piece of meat 

Piece of meat! Piece of meat!  

She will squeak softly and 
carry your stick in hand 
You'll confess you've been good  
then she'll turn your blood to wood 
Figures once you've been shown 
You'll be her helpless drone
This is the crime that pays 
We'll give her thirty days  

I feel I've been robbed 
No authorities to turn to 
I could call the boys in blue 
but they might say me too 
She'll never face a redress 
Or challenge in the free press 
Twelve aliases to hide in  
I may as well stop cryin' 
Yet never will I confess 
That I left a wee mess…  

yes we left a wee mess 
on the calendar princess 
yes we left a wee mess 
on the calendar princess 


Dance of the Playful Wankie Boys: Albuttro 

Alvin and Alonzo are altogether vicious 
While Albert and Alistair are asking Aloisius… 

Who is Al Buttro? 
And who is a Joe Shmoe? 
You're just a schmuck so 
you're not Al Buttro 

Alfred and Aladdin are always in a schism 
While Alec and Alfredo are lacking altruism 

I am Al Buttro but not if you are Al Buttro if not then 
I am Al Buttro if not then we must know who is Al Buttro 

It's always Alabaster who casts allegiance sparsely 
While Alexander is alerting Alan albeit harshly 
You're not Al Buttro since I am Al Buttro don't tell me 
you are Al Buttro if I said I am Al Buttro 
We must find him before we drop 
Only Al Buttro 
Can ever make this stop. 


The Festering Of Baghdad 

The world is a mess down in Baghdad 
and we know why down in Baghdad 
Those wankie boys here in Baghdad 
follow the smoky sky to downtown Baghdad 
The world's a mess and we know why 
those playful lads who smoke the sky 
They kissed the girls and made them cry 
No pity for those boys who'll have to die down in Baghdad 
Right here in Baghdad 

We f*cked em 'up down in Baghdad 
Then we bagged them up down in Baghdad 
We f*cked 'em real good here in Baghdad 
pity the boys will have to die right here in Baghdad 
Down in Baghdad 
Right here in Baghdad 


Epilogue: Dickland Promotional Film 

If you're a dick then come and play where madness is the only way in Dickland 
here we're quenching every thirst just as long as dicks come first in Dickland 
Come and join our boyhood dream some dames will liven up the scene and damn us all to Dickland 
until the shit hits the fan come and smoke em while you can in dickland 
Those maniacs who blew it up are back in town so give it up for Dickland